Love and Money: When Should You Talk About Finances When Dating?

Discussing finances in a relationship can be tricky. It might never seem like a good time to discuss money with your partner, and when such conversions do come up, they can be awkward to navigate.

Research has suggested that sharing finances with your significant other can be beneficial. In fact, some studies have found that couples who have joint bank accounts are happier than those who do not.

But not all couples find happiness in sharing; one in six UK couples keep their finances completely separate from one another.

Knowing how to manage your pounds and your partner can prove to be complicated. Here are some things to consider before having THE financial talk.

How Serious is the Relationship?

Money is not a light topic of discussion, so it is best to assess the relationship before diving headfirst into a conversation about how much your partner makes and how much they spend. If you are only a few months into the relationship, it is okay to hold off on this conversation. If it has been a couple of years or more, it may be helpful to discuss your finances together. You can start off by talking about how you and your partner budget your money, and then dive into larger details relating to savings accounts, 401ks, and retirement.

Start Slow

It is better to pace yourself when having a discussion about money as it can come off as intrusive, if not handled appropriately. It is not necessary to be specific with numbers or how much you are making and spending every week. If you or your partner are not comfortable discussing certain aspects of your personal finances, it may make sense not to push the conversation.

It Isn’t All About Money

Once you start talking about money, be sure not to focus on just spending and earning money. It is also important to discuss long-term goals, such as retirement, investing, and savings. If you plan on potentially sharing your life with this person, it wouldn’t hurt to know what they plan on doing with their finances as they grow older.

Related: How to Plan A Wedding on A Budget

Here are some DO’s and DON’Ts when it comes to talking about money with your significant other:

• DO: Discuss who will pay for what
  • Arguing over minor purchases and payments is unnecessary. Instead, have productive conversations about who will be paying for food, entertainment, magazine subscriptions, drinks, and the like. Organizing your finances and splitting the cost of things can make it easier for you to manage your purchases, and may be less likely to lead to arguments about money.

• DON’T: Be nosy
  • Refrain from prying too much into your partner’s financial life. While it may be tempting to get nosy or too involved in each other’s businesses, remember that money can be a touchy subject. It is often better to approach financial topics with caution and consideration.

• DO: Talk about what you value
  • Be sure to share what you have in common when it comes to finances, and what your goals are for the future. If you both want to buy a home, share that. If you’d like to save up and travel instead, let your partner know. Honesty is the best policy here; the more you share about what you want and don’t want, the easier it may be to navigate your money-related needs in the future.

• DO: Slowly become more serious about your finances together
  • If you two are exclusive and planning for the future together, you will want to get more serious about your spending habits and overall finances. Share any concerns you may have and any struggles you are currently facing financially. Go over how much debt you have, your net worth, and your salary. While this may be an awkward conversation to have, it should not be ignored — especially if you are planning on spending your future with this person.

• DO: Figure Out Shared Expenses
  • Decide how you will be paying for your expenses. Will one person be paying the bill when you go out? How much will you be contributing to rent; will this be a 50/50 split, or will it be uneven, depending on who makes more money? The above questions are important to consider, so you can come to a fair and just conclusion about how your finances will be shared.

• DO: Talk about expenses before moving in together
  • It is advisable not to opt into a living arrangement with your significant other, without first assessing your financial situations. If you have not had this discussion with your partner and are already looking at apartments, do it sooner rather than later. Otherwise, you may find yourself in a year-long lease contract with someone who cannot handle their expenses wisely.

Related: Find the Right Flat: Everything You Need to Know Before Renting

• DON’T: Force the other person to take your personal approach to money
  • Everyone manages their bills and budgets differently. It may not be optimal for your partner to take on your spending habits. Come to a compromise together and decide what works best for both of you.

When the time comes for you to have a conversation about your finances with your loved one, be sure to be patient, thoughtful, and considerate in your approach. It is an important conversation to have when your relationship has matured and can be crucial for the betterment of your relationship.